To My Beautiful Evelyn, Love Mommy

Evelyn, Welcome to the world! What joy Mommy and Daddy have on this, the day of your birth.

I just wanted to share my heart with you as I'm having some trouble sleeping. That was supposed to end once you were born by the way. :)

You are such a gift to us, Evie. We asked the Lord to give you to us and He has been so faithful. We know you really belong to Him anyway.

This morning very early, I remembered the verse in 2 Peter that says "Cast all your cares on Him for He cares for you." I've had some anxiety about your birth and your health and this morning before you were born I finally was able to really release you into the Lord's hands. Someday you will know what it's like to be a mommy and to desperately want to make everything good for your babies. But what I'm finding is that you are much better off in the Lord's hands. He gave me peace to let go of control and to see you as you really are - His.

Psalm 139 says that He formed you in my womb, He knit you together, He knows all of your days, and every hair on your precious head. You are His. He has such an amazing plan for your life, Evelyn. Already you are full of passion and strength. You are a fighter. Your Daddy and I are so proud of you - giving the NICU nurses a run for their money with your breathing tube. While we wish you WOULDN'T try to pull it out when they aren't looking, at the same time our hearts rejoice that you are living up to your name meaning "life." Full of life!

I can't wait for you to meet your soon-to-be best friend, Clara. You two have such a fun journey together ahead of you. Learning, growing, playing, and best of all - building the Church together. We are a team, you and Clara and Daddy and me. We are going to live our days believing in a huge God who does miracles in our bodies and in our sprits.

Lately I think of the sacrifice that God made - giving His ONLY Son to pay the penalty for the sins of people who had betrayed Him. God watched His only Son die in order to do this. It's very easy to become numb to this "concept," and take it for granted, but the Lord has been challenging me to really internalize this and see new meaning in it. His only Son, not His second-born, as you are to us. His Only. I imagine what it might be like to lose you or Clara. I can't dwell on it too long because it becomes too heavy to bear. But just long enough to see what a GREAT sacrifice that was for the Father. What pain He must have felt watching Jesus go through something so hard. How often He may have wanted to make it all good for His baby. But there was a much greater purpose in Jesus' death and the Father knew this. Sometimes hard things are necessary in our lives to, as James 1 says, "develop perseverence" so that we can become closer to Jesus and more useful to Him.

Daddy says shorter posts are better - I am long-winded and since this post is just for you, I don't feel too bad about it. :)

Evelyn, Daddy and I will not stop believing God for a new heart for you. As long as we live this will be our confidence. In the meantime we can't wait to hold you, show you your new room, introduce you to Clara, your family and your church family. And best of all, teach you about the miracle of knowing Jesus. You have a purpose here and we can't wait to watch your life unfold!

My love forever,
Mommy

PS - Friends and fam, Evelyn remains stable and we likely won't know anything until tomorrow. They weren't able to do the echo or the lung scan on her because they spent most of the day trying to get her IV's in (it wasn't easy I hear) so they can get the medicine going that helps her heart until surgery (should she need it :). One of the side-effects of the meds is that baby can get lethargic and "forget" to breathe. Hence they had to put a breathing tube in her. I faked like I was feeling great and got to visit her in the NICU tonight. She is FULL of spirit and spunk. Keeping her nurse on her toes. :) And come to find out, I didn't fool my nurse at all. She told me when we got back to my room that she was on to me but knew I needed to visit my girl. Praise the Lord for the nurses I've had. They all have such a mother's heart and so sympathetic with us in our situation. My first nurse pulled a ton of strings and got me a private room! Typical at Boise hospitals, rare at Stanford and UNHEARD of to get a private room on the first day! God has been SO kind to us!

We love you all and hope your weekend was fabulous. We think of you all often.

Love Steph